Remember the Alamo!

Antonio Vazquez proclaimed himself the "Grand Warlock" of Mexico, and with a beard like that, who could argue? Using his warlock powers and a deck of tarot cards, Vazquez has predicted that in the coming year, the U.S. will pull its troops out of Iraq and relocate them to the Mexican border to prepare for a conquest of our neighbors to the south. Unless this is Barack Obama's plan to cut down on illegal immigration, I don't think it's going to happen. Partly because it's absurd, but mostly because Vazquez has a record of being terribly wrong about things. Last year, he predicted that oil prices would remain stable and that both Fidel Castro and Britney Spears would die. In an erotic suicide pact? He didn't say. Regardless, both Castro and Spears are alive and well.

...OR ARE THEY??

Yes, they are. More details here.

Lasers Dragons & Lies

If you're not reading our favorite girly geektainment site PinkRaygun.com, you should be.  It's where you can read my weekly column Ask an Amateur Scientist, and it's also slickly designed by the one and only John Dallaire.  Now, the incomparable Mr. Dallaire has teamed up with sci-fi novelist John Zakour to create Lasers Dragons & Lies, a webcomic in competition at Zuda.com.  Please, go here, read it, sign up for a free account, and add your vote.  The winners have a chance to be published by DC Comics, which, I'm assuming, will make them the first DC Comics in over a decade to be written by someone other than Grant Morrison and to not be a part of a 138-volume crossover event.

Roland Burris: Devine

Just to bring you up to speed, Barack Obama is leaving the U.S. senate to spend more time with his family in a big white house somewhere, so Illinois governor Rod Blegojevich was tasked with appointing a replacement.  Because Blegojevich is a moron and a douchebag, he decided to sell off the senate seat to the highest bidder and to do so while he knew the FBI was tapping his phone.  Now, Blegojevich has appointed a man named Roland Burris, though congress is refusing to seat him due to the fact that Blegojevich is barely governor and no one knows how much of Burris' money he's currently using on his hair care products.  Not one to lie back and just take this abuse, Burris has dragged God into the situation, claiming that his appointment is "what the Lord has ordained".  You might be wondering how Burris has any direct line communication with the supreme deity, but what you don't understand is that by "Lord", he actually means "Gov. Rod Blegojevich".  As part of the terms of his bribe, you see, he must refer to the governor either as Lord, His Highness, or Padishah Emperor until the end of his days.  More details here.

True Love Lasts Forever (Occasionally)

Researchers at New York's Stony Brook University have compared the brain scans of couples who have been together over twenty years to those in a new relationship, and have found that some people can maintain the same spark for their significant others for a good long while.  The experiments involved showing people pictures of their loved ones and looking at the chemical response in the brain.  In 10% of those in relationships lasting over twenty years, researchers observed the same reactions as younger people shown pictures of their new loves.  Yes, 10%.  That may sound like a depressing statistic, but who's to say the torrid emotions of early romance should be the baseline for love?  Maybe we're no longer groping our partners' privatge parts at every opportunity ten years on, but at least we're getting things done.  At least, that's what my wife tells me whenever I ask for sex.  Bada-zing!  More details here.

Africans, Bitterness

I guess it's no surprise to learn that Africans are a bitter people.  What with all the conquest and subjugation and worldwide apathy and...  What's that?  Oh, I misunderstood.  Turns out Africans are more sensitive to bitter tastes.  Sarah Tishkoff, a geneticist at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, presented a study showing that Africans have a more developed palate for bitter tastes than Europeans.  This was discovered by measuring the variety of a taste-controlling gene called TAS2R38 in African populations.  Also, both African and European test subjects were forced to drink solutions with progressively higher concentrations of bitter flavoring.  The African subjects were quicker to make a "yucky" face and spit the liquid out.  Yes, I put the word "yucky" in quotes because that's what a real-live scientist said.  More details here.

Michael Flatley: Lord of the Quacks

Remember Michael Flatley?  No, I didn't either.  But do you remember the obnoxious Irish jigging craze known as Riverdance?  I'll take your involuntary gag reflex as a yes.  Flatley, the self-proclaimed "lord" of said dance craze, has been out of the spotlight for a while, mostly because like they did with the Macarena, Paris Hilton, and foam fubber shoes, the world wizened up.  But apparently he still tours, most likely for people who have been in comas and/or frozen in giant blocks of ice since the mid '90s.  But recently he's been out of commission due to a body-wide "mystery" virus that exhausted him and gave him muscle pains.  Supposedly, doctors were unable to identify the virus.  And according to Flatley, the only cure came from Michael O'Doherty, who runs the Plexus Bio-Energy Clinic.  For those of you playing the pseudoscience drinking game, any time the word "energy" is mentioned, you must remember to take a shot of Jack.  The clinic's website describes its procedure as "rebalancing the life-force energy within and without the body".  In other words, Flatley was "cured" by bullshit.  Which really shouldn't come as any surprise, considering bullshit has been his primary source of income for at least the last fifteen years.  More details here.

Mosquito Murder

Where I live, there's a yearly summer scare about mosquitoes spreading West Nile virus, a form of encephalitis.  This is understandable since, for one thing, mosquitoes around here do test positive for West Nile, and for another, they tend to grow to roughly six feet tall and carry bladed weapons.  Consequently, hot summer nights are often choked with insecticide sprayed from roving trucks that look suspiciously like the same vans where our kids buy ice cream during the day.  Anyway, Australian scientists have figured out a better way to stop mosquitoes from spreading disease.  They've successfully bred the species of mosquito that carry dengue fever and malaria to be born with a certain bacteria that significantly shortens their lifespan.  Since these diseases take a while to incubate before they can be spread by the mosquitoes, it's the older bugs that are the most dangerous.  And with this genetic mosquito plague, there will be no older bugs.  Genius.  Still, there's no mention of whether this will work in the mosquitoes that carry West Nile, so I guess I'm still going to have to barbecue in a full set of armor this year.  More details here.