Your Sunday Sermon - Final Sermon

Hey guys, this is Richard Peacock. It's with some sadness that I have to report to you that my cousin, Thaddeus, has passed away. As all of you know, he's been writing weekly sermons for this website. I found this last sermon among his belongings, and I think he would have wanted it published. For those of you wishing to send flowers, please send them to his church, they are having the service there. Thank you.
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Oh, my faithful flock. Oh, my supple sheep. It is I, your most humble shepherd, the reverend Thaddeus Peacock. And this will be my final sermon to you. Hold back your tears! Tears begone!! I am leaving you all to do what Jesus would do in my place. You see, the world is nearly full with hate, with violence, and with divisions even between family members. So I am going to do my part-- and bring even more hate and violence! Hallelujah!!

Now I know many of you have heard some say that Jesus stood for peace, for understanding. Devils begone!! For if we listen to the Horses' mouth, we will hear it softly whinny, "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, " (Matthew 10:34-35). And then, if we stroke that horse's mane and give it a sugar cube, It will continue with: "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 10:37-39)

And so my gentle readers, I have hammered my plowshare back into a sword, and plan to follow Jesus into the path of war, turning fathers against sons and mothers against daughters! Jesus' will be done! Wish me luck!!


-- Coroner's note: Thaddeus Peacock's body was found at a highway rest stop approximately 10 miles from his house. He died of an apparent heart attack while engaged in lewd acts with truckers. Based on the expression left on his face, the official cause of death was ruled "extreme happiness."

Your Sunday Sermon - Polyester

Hey guys, this is Richard Peacock. Many of you don't know this, but my cousin Thaddeus is the reverend for a small church in my hometown. When he heard that I help out with this "Godless" web site, he insisted he be allowed to do a weekly sermon, to set everyone "back on the right path." So please keep in mind his views and opinions don't represent the rest of us here at AmateurScientist.
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The 1970's. *shivers*. My friends, just thinking about that decade of devilish decadence makes my skin crawl. Hello again my faithful flock, it is I, your humble shepherd, the reverend Thaddeus Peacock. And if you live your life as wickedly as those from the 70's, you're going to "Burn, baby burn." Only your "disco inferno" won't be at a spicy Latin-themed dance club, it will be in the depths of Hell! Devils be gone!!

Now my friends, there are so many sinful things which came out of the 1970's. Cocaine abuse. Row v. Wade. Ben Affleck. But there is one thing so wicked and devilish that it is specifically condemned by that most definitive of fashion publications -- the Bible! Yes, friends, I speak of the fabric which was surely woven on the Devil's loom-- Polyester!

Polyester, for those who do not know, is a fabric made by weaving together several types of artificial (ie, evil) threads. And God Himself condemns this most heinous of actions. "'Keep my decrees. Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." (Lev 19:19)

Oh friends! Give up not just your tacky polyester vests-- but also your fields where you have both corn and wheat planted, not to mention your half-dog, half-panda abominations! If I can give up those things, then anyone can.

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The Reverend Thaddeus Peacock is a licensed Churchologist with advanced degrees in Biblology, Jesusence, and Brimstoning. He may be reached by emailing his cousin Richard at richard@amateurscientist.org.

Your Sunday Sermon - The Sun Goes Round the Earth

Hey guys, this is Richard Peacock. Many of you don't know this, but my cousin Thaddeus is the reverend for a small church in my hometown. When he heard that I help out with this "Godless" web site, he insisted he be allowed to do a weekly sermon, to set everyone "back on the right path." So please keep in mind his views and opinions don't represent the rest of us here at AmateurScientist.
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My friends, welcome once again to my gentle presence. Yes, that's it, come closer... closer still... closer... Devils be gone!! Ha! Got you. Yes, my flock of sheep, it is I, your humble shepherd, the reverend Thaddeus Peacock. And it is time once again for me to scare the bejesus into you!

This past Thursday, when I would normally be setting up hidden cameras in the local gym to look for signs of homoerotic pugilism, I was taken ill by a ghastly case of the squirts. Curse that yellowed egg salad from Mrs. Jefferson! As I sat atop my Lay-z-boy, I flipped through the local television channels, and happened upon a lie more ghastly than Mrs. Jefferson's insistence that egg salad is "supposed to be that color." I happened upon a daytime drama program titled: "As the World Turns"! It showed an image of the Earth, in spherical form, spinning out in space! Devils be gone!!

For as we all know, my fluffy followers, the Bible tells us that the world is not in motion at all, but is a stationary realm in which the Sun orbits it! Look here: "Tremble before him, all the earth! The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved." (1 Chron 16:30) and here: "The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises." (Ecc 1:5) It was on the validity of these most factual versus that, hundreds of years ago, the Catholic Church correctly concluded that the homosexual/witch (assumed) Galileo was so very wrong! Hallelujah!

Oh, my friends, I was so distressed by the hideous lies on my television screen, that I had to calm myself by watching the previous week's hidden locker camera footage again and again until my humors had returned to balance. Let this be a lesson to you, dear readers. Never believe the hideous lies spread by either that heretic Galileo, or that charlatan Mrs. Jefferson.

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The Reverend Thaddeus Peacock is a licensed Churchologist with advanced degrees in Biblology, Jesusence, and Brimstoning. He may be reached by emailing his cousin Richard at richard@amateurscientist.org.

Your Sunday Sermon - Working Together

Hey guys, this is Richard Peacock. Many of you don't know this, but my cousin Thaddeus is the reverend for a small church in my hometown. When he heard that I help out with this "Godless" web site, he insisted he be allowed to do a weekly sermon, to set everyone "back on the right path." So please keep in mind his views and opinions don't represent the rest of us here at AmateurScientist.
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Hello again, my flock, it is I, your humble shepherd, the Reverend Thaddeus Peacock. And I am in a sad state this week, my friends. A sad state. I began my Sunday morning as I usually do, by visiting the local mall to condemn the prostitutes/witches (presumed) readily found in Victoria's Secret and to buy a sticky bun, when I spied a sight which I knew God Himself would have wept to see-- I saw a group of construction workers working together to build a new Shakey's Pizza! Devils be gone!!

As fans of my semiweekly Godcast, "Romancing the Brimstone," will no doubt recall, God detests when people work together towards a common goal. He once spied another group of construction workers trying to build a grand tower in the desert... "But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. The LORD said, 'If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them'" (Gen 11:5-6). So, God confused their language and scattered the people all over the Earth, making sure they would never work together again (Gen 11:7-8). Hallelujah!

Friends, I know it takes just about all your efforts to shelter your children from the Godless, liberal influences of modern society-- with such un-Christian notions like "we should all do our parts and work together." Hogwash! The next time someone wants you to help them do something, do what I do: start speaking in a new, made-up language, and pretend you can't understand them. If they repeat their request, slap them in the face and run away. That's how I got out of jury duty.

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The Reverend Thaddeus Peacock is a licensed Churchologist with advanced degrees in Biblology, Jesusence, and Brimstoning. He may be reached by emailing his cousin Richard at richard@amateurscientist.org.

Your Sunday Sermon - Lot, The Most Noble Man On Earth

Hey guys, this is Richard Peacock. Many of you don't know this, but my cousin Thaddeus is the reverend for a small church in my hometown. When he heard that I help out with this "Godless" web site, he insisted he be allowed to do a weekly sermon, to set everyone "back on the right path." So please keep in mind his views and opinions don't represent the rest of us here at AmateurScientist.
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Hello again, dear friends. It is I, your humble shepherd, the Reverend Thaddeus Peacock. And I have come once again to lead my flock away from the fields of temptation, and into the corral of virtue. Today's lesson is taken from the most noble man in the Old Testament, Lot Lotterstein (last name assumed).

Now, many of you may remember from Sunday school class that Lot lived in Sodom, that damned and wicked city full of-- Sodomites!! Now, to be fair, as a citizen of Sodom, Lot was a Sodomite too. But since God chose to spare him, we know he was the most upstanding person there, who would never sink to the depravity of his fellow townsmen.

Why, when the town folk demanded he surrender two of his male house guests (who just happened to be angles), the brave and noble Lot offered instead his two daughters, hoping that the mob would rather rape them instead of his male house guests. Just look at the gracious tone he used to ward off the rape gang at his door: "Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof." (Gen 19:8). What a host!

But Lot's honor and nobility does not end there, dear readers! For after escaping the sexual perversions of the city of Sodom, Lot and his two surviving daughters took refuge in a nearby cave. So naturally, that night, the two daughters got their father drunk and had sex with him. "And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father." (Gen 19:34-36). Now you may ask, how does this prove Lot was an honorable man? Easy, dear reader. By impregnating both his daughters, just days after escaping a city destroyed for its sexual perversions, he was simply trying to remind them of why they left. Hallelujah!

Well, my sheeplings, I must leave you now, but fret not! For I shall return next week, not unlike Lot's younger daughter, to become impregnated with your child-- of fellowship! Thaddeus Out.

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The Reverend Thaddeus Peacock is a licensed Churchologist with advanced degrees in Biblology, Jesusence, and Brimstoning. He may be reached by emailing his cousin Richard at richard@amateurscientist.org.

Your Sunday Sermon - The Abomination

Hey guys, this is Richard Peacock. Many of you don't know this, but my cousin Thaddeus is the reverend for a small church in my hometown. When he heard that I help out with this "Godless" web site, he insisted he be allowed to do a weekly sermon, to set everyone "back on the right path." So please keep in mind his views and opinions don't represent the rest of us here at AmateurScientist.
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Oh, friends. Oh, my poor, poor friends. How your sins sadden me. Yes, it is I, your humble shepherd, the Reverend Thaddeus Peacock. And you people make me sick! Devils be gone!!

I-- I'm sorry. I will try to contain myself. I know that not all of you are to blame. But you see, dear friends, as I walked this morning to a local nautically-themed restaurant (to check for signs of sailors in lust), I spied an entire room full of people committing an abomination! Yes, you guessed it. They were eating shrimp. Alas alack!

Alas, dear friends, because we know the truth, that the Lord our God views shrimp as an abomination. "And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you: They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination." (Lev 11:10-11).

When I saw this lurid display, I ran to the bathroom (to vomit and check for signs of sailors in lust) and what did I glimpse in my periphery? A little boy-- eating oysters! Alas alack! For as the good book tells us, "And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it is unclean unto you." (Deut 14:10). Oh, friends, I was so distraught, that by the time I made it to the bathroom, I hardly felt the energy to condemn what few sailors in lust I found there. Truly, this is a sad day for us all.

Now, I know some of you may have been taught that Jesus did away with dietary restrictions such as these. No doubt you were taught by homosexuals and sin-enthusiasts! Friends, please, heed the word of God, lest you become shrimp yourselves-- in the Lake of Fire!

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The Reverend Thaddeus Peacock is a licensed Churchologist with advanced degrees in Biblology, Jesusence, and Brimstoning. He may be reached by emailing his cousin Richard at richard@amateurscientist.org.

Your Sunday Sermon - The Real Ten Commandments

Hey guys, this is Richard Peacock. Many of you don't know this, but my cousin Thaddeus is the reverend for a small church in my hometown. When he heard that I help out with this "Godless" web site, he insisted he be allowed to do a weekly sermon, to set everyone "back on the right path." So please keep in mind his views and opinions don't represent the rest of us here at AmateurScientist.
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Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends. I'm so glad you could attend. Come inside, come inside. Yes, my gentle flock, it is I, the Reverend Thaddeus Peacock, here again to let you graze on the soft green grass of Jesus. Hallelujah!

This week's sermon: The Real Ten Commandments. Now I know what some of you are saying right now, that you already know the Ten Commandments. That you should honor your parents, and not bear false witness. Devils be gone!! Those commandments were broken up by Moses, so the Lord gave him a new set! "And the LORD said unto Moses, Hew thee two tables of stone like unto the first: and I will write upon these tables the words that were in the first tables, which thou brakest." (Ex 34:1)

And my friends, let me tell you now, these new commandments are even more logical and profound than the first. The first set were trash!! These commandments are the true wishes of God, and if we do not follow them, then we are no better than whores and/or Gypsies! Won't you read along here as I recite them to you:

#1: "For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." (Ex 34:14) Praise Jealous, or Lord!
#2: "Thou shalt make thee no molten gods." (Ex 34:17) That thing with the calf really pissed him off.
#3: "The feast of unleavened bread shalt thou keep. Seven days thou shalt eat unleavened bread." (Ex: 34:18) Get me a glass of milk, my friends! Jealous commands I eat crackers for seven days straight!
#4: "All the firstborn of thy sons thou shalt redeem. And none shall appear before me empty." (Ex 34:20) Sacrifice to Jealous your firstborn sons, my friends! I already have!
#5: "Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." (Ex 34:21) He follows His own advice!
#6: "And thou shalt observe the feast of weeks." (Ex 34:22) Observe it, heathens, observe it!
#7: "Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven," (Ex 34:25) God will knock that roll right out of your bloody hands! Praise Jealous!
#8: "neither shall the sacrifice of the feast of the passover be left unto the morning." (Ex: 34:25) That shit will get stale! Wrap it up!
#9: "The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring unto the house of the LORD thy God." (Ex: 24:26) More sacrifice anyone? More sacrifice everyone!

And now, the most profound of all the commandments, #10: "Thou shalt not boil a kid in his mother's milk." (Ex: 24:26) My friends, I am sick and tired of seeing our holiest of commandments broken on a daily basis. Why, I bet some of are you are boiling a baby goat in its mother's milk as we speak! Devils be gone!!

I hope, dear followers, that I, your humble shepherd, have steered you away from the false commandments today, and toward the true commandments. And I hope, too, that you will join me next week. Until then, if you boil a goat in its mothers milk, then Jealous help you.

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The Reverend Thaddeus Peacock is a licensed Churchologist with advanced degrees in Biblology, Jesusence, and Brimstoning. He may be reached by emailing his cousin Richard at richard@amateurscientist.org.

Your Sunday Sermon - Unicorns

Hey guys, this is Richard Peacock. Many of you don't know this, but my cousin Thaddeus is the reverend for a small church in my hometown. When he heard that I help out with this "Godless" web site, he insisted he be allowed to do a weekly sermon, to set everyone "back on the right path." So please keep in mind his views and opinions don't represent the rest of us here at AmateurScientist.
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Hello my friends. It is I, the Reverend Thaddeus Peacock, your humble shepherd. Now, I know that some of my sheep have begun to stray the flock. I know that some have wandered away from the siren call of the Lord, and have dabbled with the dark arts of science and reason. This is why, my woolly wanderers, I have come to you today. I'm going to shave you naked and make a sweater for the Lord! Hallelujah!

This week's sermon: unicorns. Now, I know many of you "rational thinkers" like to believe there is no such thing as these majestic creatures. You want objective, concrete evidence. Devils be gone!! Now listen closely little black sheep, I'm about to give you three bags full-- of truth!

Unicorns most certainly exist! They are right there in the printed word of God. "God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn." (Numbers 23:22). "His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns." (Deut 33:17). "But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil." (Psalm 92:10). "And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness." (Isaiah 34:7). You see, dear friends? The unicorn's dust shall be made fat with fatness-- how much clearer can it be??

Now, some modern translations of the Bible (most likely written by witches and/or homosexuals) translate "unicorn" as "wild ox." Devils be gone!! The last time I checked, an ox has two horns, ugly nose hairs, and can't restore a woman's hymen by resting its head in her lap, as believed by medieval Europeans! Praise Jesus!

Well, that is all the time we have for today, my fuzzy followers. But join me again next Sunday, the Lord's day, for more of the truth revealed! Unicorns are real! Hallelujah!

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The Reverend Thaddeus Peacock is a licensed Churchologist with advanced degrees in Biblology, Jesusence, and Brimstoning. He may be reached by emailing his cousin Richard at richard@amateurscientist.org.