The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas

While America's farmers gear up to destroy the environment and the world's food supplies by turning their corn into ethanol, scientists at MIT have developed a revolutionary new solar power solution. The sun is a giant energy ball just hanging there in the sky, baking our skin to a gorgeous lustre and burning our retinas when we stare at it too long. But solar power has been a frustratingly inefficient alternative energy source, since there hasn't been a way to effectively store all the energy produced by the sun during the day after the sun don't shine. Enter the evil geniuses at MIT, who have mimicked the energy storage system used by plants to create a new solar technology that finally has the potential to keep Ed Begley, Jr. from running his toaster with a bicycle. The new process splits water into hydrogen and oxygen, which can later be recombined in a fuel cell. The best part? This technology is fast, cheap, yet completely under control. More details here.

Teeny Tiny Snake

Penn State University evolutionary biologist S. Blair Hedges (the "S" stands for "Superawesome") has discovered the smallest known species of snake on the island of Barbados. A fully grown adult of the newly-named species Leptotyphlops carlae reaches only about four inches. It's not a venomous snake, and its appetite for termites and insect larvae could make it a creative solution for those in need of pest control. Of course, the tradeoff is that your house would be infested with tiny snakes. But I think a life of cotton balls stuck in your orifices is worth it for the conversation value alone. More details here.

Big Brother Wants Your iPods, Laptops, Civil Liberties

According to a new set of policies released by the Department of Homeland Security, US Customs and Border Protection have the authority to confiscate any traveller's laptop computer or other electronic device for any length of time, without any suspicion of wrongdoing. These policies apply to anyone entering the country, including US citizens. The policies cover "any device capable of storing information," including hard drives, flash drives, cellphones, iPods, and video and audio tapes. Interestingly, "all papers and other written documentation," including books, pamphlets and "written materials commonly referred to as 'pocket trash' or 'pocket litter' " can also be taken without warrant or suspicion. Customs Deputy Commissioner Jayson P. Ahern said the efforts "do not infringe on Americans' privacy," I suppose because the man doesn't understand the definition of the word "privacy." The DHS claims these new policies are "reasonable and necessary to prevent terrorism." Yes, because as we all know, the 9/11 hijackers used iPods and 'pocket litter' to coordinate their attacks. Read more here.

Mystery Solved

The Antikythera Mechanism is a piece of ancient Greek technology recovered more than 100 years ago from a shipwreck off the coast of Crete. Ever since, it's been the source of much speculation over the function of its advanced-seeming bronze gears and mechanisms. Because they tend not to understand things and enjoy jumping to outrageous conclusions, several proponents of ancient astronaut theory have used the device as proof that extraterrestrial civilizations imparted untold knowledge onto ancient civilizations. Why advanced technology would utilize bronze gears is beyond me. But using modern x-ray techniques, some writing on the back of the device has been discovered to note astronomical movements and the months of the calendar. The ancient Greek millionaire playboy and nighttime vigilante Archimedes was known to have developed similar devices for measuring solar eclipses and the four-year cycles of the Olympiad. The Antikythera Mechanism seems to be the only known example of such a device. No word yet on how the device is also able to shoot laser beams and allow people to travel through time, but I'm sure science will eventually figure that out too. More details here.

Frog King of Kings

Local Catholics in Italy's Trentino-Alto Adige, where the pope takes his summer vacation, are outraged that the nearby Bolzano Museum of Modern Art is featuring a sculpture by German artist Martin Kippenberger which features a frog holding a beer mug while being crucified. Their argument is that it's in poor taste, especially in a museum near where the pope takes his seasonal craps. While the whole pope angle doesn't really matter to me (no piece of art could be tackier than the pontiff's own ridiculous hats), I have to agree on the taste front--not because it's offensive, but simply because it looks like something you'd buy at the kind of off-color souvenir shop that sells t-shirts with naked torsos printed on them. The frog is supposed to reflect the artist's conflicted state of mind, but it seems more like a political statement executed with the kind of gracelessness and gaudiness usually only found in high school dance squads. More details here.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Marijuana

According to Arizona's court of appeals, you don't have the legal right to smoke pot for religious reasons. The decision states that freedom of religion doesn't equate to freedom of action. This is true, since we can and should prosecute people who, for example, pray over their cancer-stricken children instead of taking them to a hospital. But since marijuana has no effects any more harmful than drinking a glass of wine at communion, what's the problem with giving it a pass? According to the court, the defendant has to prove that marijuana isn't as harmful as the government says it is. So I guess things like scientific evidence don't really matter. Unless marijuana's harmful effects include wasting public money on ridiculous legal battles over whether people can inhale smoke from burning plants, I don't really see the government's point. Daniel Hardesty, the man challenging the state on this issue, says that smoking marijuana is a sacrament of his neo-Zoroastrian religion. While this is indeed absurd, is it any more ridiculous than believing a cracker transforms into the actual flesh of a demigod as it slimes down your throat? More details here.

Wait, Magic Isn't Real?

Over at the internet's best movie news website CHUD.com (where I write a blog from time to time), writer Devin Faraci was an excellent column about the idiocy of a local Fox News affiliate, which, through the miracle of investigative reporting, uncovered the shocking truth that Criss Angel (seen here as an Anne Rice cosplayer) doesn't really have supernatural powers. It seems Criss chained himself inside a building set to implode, and he only had a few minutes to break free and make it to a helicopter on the roof. The effect is that he doesn't break free, the building collapses on him, and he's found in the rubble unharmed. Fox News smelled a rat, so they strangled their fuel budget, fired up the Fox chopper, and taped an overhead shot of Criss sneaking into the rubble after the implosion. Congratulations, Fox News. Though I bet you feel silly about having Bill O'Reilly call for Criss' execution for sawing a woman in half right in front of a camera. More details here.