In My Country, Aliens Abduct YOU!

Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, governor of the Russian republic of Kalmykia (also a former chess champion, but that's every Russian), told a radio station that in 1997, he was abducted from his Moscow apartment and taken aboard a spaceship, where aliens communicated with him telepathically. These types of claims aren't uncommon in a country where 70% of all groundwater has been replaced with vodka, but one Russian MP believes there should be a full-scale investigation. The worry is that because Ilyumzhinov is the governor of a Russian republic, he may have shared state secrets with the aliens. According to the MP, the governor should be personally interrogated by Russian President Dmitry Medvedev. On the surface, this doesn't sound like an unreasonable request. Better safe than sorry, as they say. Well, in Russia the phrase literally translates as "better thrown out a window by the KGB than sorry", but the sentiment is the same. However, one wonders whether it matters much if aliens have the nuclear launch codes or governmental Facebook passwords or whatever when they have the power to suck people out of their apartment windows and take them on space rides. More details here.

A Brief History of Isolationism

Cybernetic astrophysicist Stephen Hawking has a new series premiering on the Discovery Channel next month in which he warns against humanity ever contacting extraterrestrial species in case they decide to kill us all. Hawking believes that alien life is basically a given, though most of it is of the dimwitted animal variety. But intelligent races may also be out there, and chances are good they aren't friendly. He cites the historical human tendency for more advanced nations to conquer and rape their technological lessers as an example of what could happen to us if we're visited by the equivalent of an interstellar Christopher Columbus. But I'm not sure Hawking's reasoning is sound. True, our more primitive ancestors had a disturbing trend of clubbing to death those people they happened upon in their sea travels, but such a thing would be unthinkable today. I'd like to think someone would speak up if a NASA expedition someday discovered crossbow-wielding native Martians and threw smallpox-infested blankets at them so we could mine their delicious, delicious ores. I mean, worst case scenario, we have to deal with rogue sex tourists who travel to Mars for a suction cup reach-around. More details here.