Godless Billboard

The week before Easter Sunday, a billboard appeared in Orange County, Florida bearing a happy fairy and the slogan "All Religions are Fairy Tales". This upset some people, and it's even been blamed for killing business at a seafood restaurant that sits underneath it. Obviously Floridians haven't discovered that atheism goes beautifully with a shrimp cocktail. The company that owns the billboard says the offending image was put up illegally, and it has since been removed. Local business owner Rich Stormes doesn't buy that explanation, however. "They should have known what was going up on the billboard," Stormes said. "He should proof it." I don't see any grammatical mistakes on it, but I do have to take issue with its general point. Not all religions are fairy tales. Some are more like science-fiction. More details here.

Measles Rises Again

Hey, remember measles? If not, go ask you parents, and don't blame me if they break down in a fit of tears. Before the measles vaccine was introduced in 1963, measles infected about four million American kids per year, killing one in 250, hospitalizing 50,000, and permanently injuring 1,000. And now, because of ignorant and paranoid parents who would trust Jenny McCarthy's heaving bosoms over decades of scientific evidence, measles is making a comeback. Last year, 64 new cases were reported to the CDC. If enough people are vaccinated, the virus can't spread even if a few become infected. But it doesn't take a very large percentage of unvaccinated people in a single group to spread the virus to others who have received the vaccine. So when you refuse to vaccinate your kid, you're not only putting her life in danger, but you're also potentially killing everyone she comes into contact with. Thanks a lot, moron. More details here.

Hillary Clinton Thinks You're an Idiot

It's been entertaining to watch Hillary Clinton transform herself into a cartoonish parody of an actual politician. At this rate, she'll be dressing up in black face, donning a pair of overalls, and chugging a keg through a beer bong in order to convince every kind of voter that she's something other than a disingenuous sack of shit. Her crusade for a gas tax "holiday" this summer is the latest bit of absurdity. Along with John McCain, she's trying to convince people that saving them about $30 in travel expenses and draining the federal budget is a decent way to stick it to the man and ease the burden on America's middle class. Obama refuses to give in to this idiot pandering, so Clinton's lobbed the "elitist" missile at him. The best part, though, is that according to this new poll, most of America can see right through Clinton's nonsense. So why is anyone still planning on voting for her? More details here.

Rise of the Apes

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. The world's first picture of an orangutan using a makeshift spear to catch fish has been taken in Borneo. This, of course, is the beginning of the end for us. Next thing you know, one of them will learn to talk, befriend Ricardo Montalban, and overthrow human society. Don't say I didn't warn you when you're sightseeing around New York City and suddenly realize the damn dirty apes blew it up. But while this development potentially spells the end for humanity, it's probably a good idea not to panic yet. After all, this particular orangutan didn't develop this ability on his own. He observed local fishermen doing the same thing, and he's not yet able to spear any fish that aren't already caught in a net. But still, kudos to this spunky little ape. And may God have mercy on us all. More details here.

Guilt by Association

If you need another reason to believe that Hillary Clinton is just George W. Bush in a bad pantsuit, take the recent case of deceptive robo-calls in North Carolina. A D.C.-based nonprofit called Women's Voices Women Vote ("Awkward", for short) has been placing automated phone calls to random North Carolina voters that claim to be from someone named Lamont Williams and tells them that they aren't registered to vote until they send in a registration package. The problem here is that many of these people are, in fact, registered to vote and the deadline for mail-in registration for the May primary has already passed. In other words, these calls are trying to trick people into believing they won't be allowed to vote. Turns out many of these calls are targeted toward African-American voters and that all of the heads of Women's Voices are major Clinton campaign contributors. Does this mean Hillary Clinton was aware of this illegal telephone campaign? Not necessarily. But it seems to fit with her general attitude that only black people vote for Obama and she'd rather they didn't. More details here.

Pray Your Way Out of Jail

The parents of 11-year-old Madeline Neumann (pictured), who prayed over their daughter as she died of untreated diabetes, have been charged with 2nd degree reckless homicide in their daughter's death. It's about time. Although they claim not to be religious nuts, Lailani and Dale Neumann never sought medical treatment for their daughter's condition since they believed God would cure her. In his own defense, Mr. Neumann says he began CPR "as soon as the breath of life left" Madeline's body. Of course, he doesn't seem to understand that a) CPR doesn't sure diabetes, and b) he just murdered his own child. Critics say this prosecution will open up all faith healers and Christian Scientists to prosecution, to which I say it's about damn time. More details here.

Texas Creationists Smacked Down

Good news for Texans. No, giant hats and oil rigs are not the new American currency. (Don't worry, Texas, I'm just messing with you.) Instead, the state's Higher Education Coordinating Board unanimously voted to deny the request from the Institute for Creation Research to offer master's degrees in science education at their Bible-based school. It's nice to know that someone realizes you can't adequately teach a science class if you believe life originated with God giving mouth-to-mouth to a pile of dirt. Kudos. More details here.