Nessie Dying

Here's an interesting article from The Advertiser. Those who profit from Nessie-hunting tourists at Scotland's Loch Ness are increasingly concerned that rising skepticism as to the existence of the Loch Ness Monster may be killing their industry. Too bad for the people who make a living pointing webcams at water, but hooray for science. Says naturalist Adrian Shine: "I think we live in a more pragmatic age, and that people are becoming more aware of the sort of illusions that can occur on water." If only.

Sulu Finally in Space

Congratulations to Star Trek's Sulu, George Takei, on having an asteroid named after him. When traveling between Mars and Jupiter, keep an eye out for 7307 Takei. "I am now a heavenly body," George joked upon hearing the news. Well, Mr. Sulu, in my book, you've always been a heavenly body. In tribute, I present this video for the lovely ditty Sulu by The Gomers.

Obama: Superman

Barack Obama has laid out a plan to accomplish what only Superman was capable of: ridding the world of all nuclear weapons. And even though Superman first proposed the idea to the United Nations in a terrible 20-year-old movie, it still makes an awful lot of sense. Much of our diplomacy and saber-rattling has to do with keeping other countries from developing nuclear programs, which isn't a bad thing--after all, if someone like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had the bomb, he really could get rid of all the homosexuals in Iran--but it also places every other nuclear power in a position of hypocrisy. Non-nuclear weapons have achieved a level of precision that eliminates any need for a nuclear strike (if there ever really was one), so why not destroy these things and get them off the market? The more I think about this, the more I like it. But do we have a net big enough to hold all these things when we throw them into the sun?

Bush Hates Health

Bush-bashing is so easy at this point, but the guy's really just asking for it. I suppose I'd do the same thing as a lame duck with no hope for his own political party--trash the White House furniture, masturbate in the Lincoln bedroom, bomb Iran--but at this rate he'll just end up a faceless cat-stroking villain like Dr. Claw. Case in point: his recent veto of a bill expanding children's health care coverage under the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP). But what really gets me is his reasoning. The SCHIP bill, he says, is a step toward universal health care. Like that's a bad thing? Really, the man's just screwing with us now. It would almost be admirable if it wasn't so painfully sad and terrifying. Pretty soon Bush will be caught stalking the White House grounds in his boxers, wearing a saucepan on his head and carrying a shotgun as he hunts for varmints.

Painless Injections

Good news for me. Researchers in Cardiff, Wales have successfully tested micro-needle arrays as a potential replacement for traditional hypodermic needles. The micro-needles are specifically designed to avoid pain receptors and blood vessels, providing for a safer and less painful injection. Previously, being stuck with a needle sent me into a screaming, Hulk-like rage. Maybe now I'll finally be able to give blood or receive that chickenpox vaccine I've been itching for. More details here.

Disguised Midgets Visit Bishop

According to KOAT-TV, police in Gallup, New Mexico were surprised to receive an emergency call from Catholic Bishop Donald Pelotte saying that "...gentle little people, about three to four feet tall and wearing Halloween masks" had invaded his home for three hours and refused to leave. The Bishop, of course, hid in a closet. When police arrived, there were no masked midgets to be found, leading them to suspect that maybe Pelotte was hallucinating. He had suffered a fall in July and was apparently on medication. But the question remains: is it any crazier to believe wee people are attacking you than it is to believe a cracker magically transforms into the flesh of Christ as it wriggles down your throat?

Abstinence Waste

Congress has once again voted to continue funding a $50 million dollar abstinence-only sex "education" program, despite the fact that their own commissioned study and common sense have told the world that abstinence-only programs are ineffective. It's time to face the facts and admit that they're more about religion than science. As long as teens can't demonstrate the self-control to keep themselves from attending Dane Cook films, do we really think they'll have the willpower to stop themselves from having sex? If only there were some kind of sensory-blocking rubber sheath they could place over their heads when watching Good Luck Chuck. The technology is there, science. Make it happen. More details here.