I Can Never Forgive Them for Spelunking My Boy

While Arizona destroys its economy by scaring all brown people into taking their wallets out of state, Australia is taking an opposite yet no less foolish path. Bowing to pressure from so-called “Klingon scholars” from the U.S., the Jenolan Caves tourist attraction near Sydney will soon offer an audio tour in the fictional Klingon language. Let me be clear about this: I have nothing against actual Klingons. I don’t know any personally, but I’m sure they’re lovely creatures. If a little culturally homogeneous in a racially disturbing way. But Australia is asking for trouble by opening their borders to Klingon language enthusiasts who are themselves un-Klingon. I have some personal experience with these types, and the hygiene issues alone should put all of Australia’s airports on high alerts. SARS is nothing compared to the respiratory illnesses one can catch walking behind someone’s homemade battle armor. Plus, if all our Klingon impersonators flock to these caves, the world economy could collapse due to a sudden shortage of IT managers and electrical engineers. More details here.