A Saudi court has sentenced 32-year-old Mazen Abdul Jawad to five years in prison and 1,000 lashes for giving a television interview in which he detailed his love for sex and showed some of the toys he uses to cultivate that love. In Saudi Arabia, it's forbidden under Sharia law to "publicize vice". In addition to tossing Jawad in jail, the Saudi authorities also shut down the local offices of the Lebanese TV station that aired the interview. You see, in Saudi Arabia, it's considered bad form to have sex outside of marriage, much less talk about it. Jawad should have done the honorable thing and forced a 14-year-old to marry him, impregnated her, and then killed his daughter for looking longingly at another man. You know, wholesome shit. More details here.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Kiss and Jail
FDA Not Sure If They're Idiots
Smoking is bad for you. Everyone knows that. Well, unless you're looking to cultivate a sexy, throaty lounge singer's voice. In which case, smoking may be your only option. But if you don't want lung cancer? Probably best to stay away. The only snag is that cigarettes contain nicotine, which many people find is a chemical their bodies have an irrational, insatiable need to absorb. Also, the physical act of flicking out a cigarette, lighting it, and wrapping your succulent lips around its filter can create a muscle memory habit. Also, smoking looks bad ass. Which is why some companies have begun selling electronic cigarettes. There are a few variations, but all of them are basically small, cigarette-shaped vaporizers that deliver a nice, smokey, nicotine-tinged puff of water vapor to fill your lungs via disposable cartridge. No carcinogenic tar or baby puss or whatever else regular cigarettes have in them to make them so delicious. So, that would mean they're safer, right? Not so fast, says FDA spokeswoman Siobhan DeLancey. "We don't know if this is any better for [smokers]." Obviously Ms. DeLancey isn't dumb enough to think that water vapor may be just as harmful as cigarette smoke (I hope), so what's the real motive here? You'd think the FDA would embrace e-cigarettes. But the reality seems to be that the FDA sees anything that even looks remotely like a cigarette to be a potential danger, as it may lead morons like you and me to think maybe all kinds of cigarettes are equally safe. Personally, I didn't know I was that stupid, but I guess you learn something every day. Well, some of us do. More details here.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Movie Day
The parents of a 17-year-old high school senior in Kentucky have complained to their local school board over a film shown to their daughter in class that they believe was inappropriate. On the anniversary of the 9/11 terror attacks, a Junior ROTC teacher decided to show “Fitna”, the short subject documentary made by Dutch politician Geert Wilders about various horrors committed in the name of Islam. The movie shows bloody and violent footage of terrorist attacks as well as female genital mutilation performed in several Islamic countries. To be sure, the teacher probably shouldn’t have shown the film to his juniors and seniors. Not because it’s too violent or yucky for teenagers, but because it just doesn’t make a very good case for itself. True, there are some horrible passages in the Koran, and there are plenty of inhuman acts carried out in the name of Islam. But to paint all Muslims as potential terrorists is as ignorant as painting all Christians as potential slave owners just because the Bible condones it. Also, female genital mutilation is a cultural phenomenon that isn’t based on anything inherently Islamic. Oh, and Geert Wilders is kind of a racist more concerned about keeping brown people out of his country than exposing the horrible truth about a particular religion. Still, why shouldn’t teenagers be exposed to the bloody truth of terrorism and child abuse? It’s not like a few more years of maturity are suddenly going to make these into feel-good topics. Of course, as a former teacher myself, I suspect this instructor wasn’t so much motivated to inform his students as he was to dim the lights and sip his flask of soul-warming whiskey in relative silence for a few goddamn minutes. This is why all teachers occasionally check out the A/V cart for movie day. More details here.
Abstinence-Plus Benefits
As part of its heroic fight against reality in the name of not making Jesus cry, the Bush administration spent nearly a decade promoting and freeing up federal dollars for abstinence-only “sex education” in public schools. The state of Texas spent more than any other on the programs, but they now have a higher teen pregnancy rate than ever, and STDs among teens are also on the rise. This is because abstinence-only programs don’t actually teach anything other than the fact that not squirting baby batter into a ripe vagina is the only 100% effective way to prevent the growth of tiny parasites in the human womb. They don’t, however, mention anything about condoms, pills, mutual masturbation, or any other techniques for enjoying sex with less risk of both pregnancy and infection. Which is why several Texas school districts are switching to an “abstinence-plus” curriculum. It still teaches that abstinence is the surest bet to avoid unwanted sexual side effects (well, other than blue balls), but it also says that if you do have sex, we have the technology to make it a safer experience. Still no mention of mutual masturbation, but I guess you can’t have everything. More details here.
Your Sunday Sermon - Lot, The Most Noble Man On Earth
Hey guys, this is Richard Peacock. Many of you don't know this, but my cousin Thaddeus is the reverend for a small church in my hometown. When he heard that I help out with this "Godless" web site, he insisted he be allowed to do a weekly sermon, to set everyone "back on the right path." So please keep in mind his views and opinions don't represent the rest of us here at AmateurScientist.
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Hello again, dear friends. It is I, your humble shepherd, the Reverend Thaddeus Peacock. And I have come once again to lead my flock away from the fields of temptation, and into the corral of virtue. Today's lesson is taken from the most noble man in the Old Testament, Lot Lotterstein (last name assumed).
Now, many of you may remember from Sunday school class that Lot lived in Sodom, that damned and wicked city full of-- Sodomites!! Now, to be fair, as a citizen of Sodom, Lot was a Sodomite too. But since God chose to spare him, we know he was the most upstanding person there, who would never sink to the depravity of his fellow townsmen.
Why, when the town folk demanded he surrender two of his male house guests (who just happened to be angles), the brave and noble Lot offered instead his two daughters, hoping that the mob would rather rape them instead of his male house guests. Just look at the gracious tone he used to ward off the rape gang at his door: "Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof." (Gen 19:8). What a host!
But Lot's honor and nobility does not end there, dear readers! For after escaping the sexual perversions of the city of Sodom, Lot and his two surviving daughters took refuge in a nearby cave. So naturally, that night, the two daughters got their father drunk and had sex with him. "And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father." (Gen 19:34-36). Now you may ask, how does this prove Lot was an honorable man? Easy, dear reader. By impregnating both his daughters, just days after escaping a city destroyed for its sexual perversions, he was simply trying to remind them of why they left. Hallelujah!
Well, my sheeplings, I must leave you now, but fret not! For I shall return next week, not unlike Lot's younger daughter, to become impregnated with your child-- of fellowship! Thaddeus Out.
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The Reverend Thaddeus Peacock is a licensed Churchologist with advanced degrees in Biblology, Jesusence, and Brimstoning. He may be reached by emailing his cousin Richard at richard@amateurscientist.org.
