No Soup for You

It's long been thought that life on earth began in the so-called "primordial soup", a liquid stew of organic compounds and water that was fermented by UV radiation to form the first cells, which eventually evolved into higher forms of life in the oceans. But a group of scientists writing in the journal "BioEssays" (this month's centerfold: Stanislav "Hot Knockers" Schilbachers, Ph.D.) are calling bullshit on all that soup business. Their primary argument is that the soup theory doesn't allow for enough energy to create the first cells. Their alternative? Life first evolved due to energy released by geothermal vents in deep-sea environments, which caused cells to form from certain gasses. Of course, no one will know for certain until we're able to replicate this early formation of life in the laboratory. But by that time, our creations will probably have murdered us after rapidly evolving Giger-esque, razor-sharp spines. Which will be a poetic end. An antidote to our self-destructive hubris. Fin. More details here.