Priestly Dos and Don'ts

Everyone agrees that the child rape epidemic in the Catholic clergy is a bad thing. But how's a pedophilic priest supposed to know what kind of behavior is or isn't appropriate with children? Thankfully, the Archdiocese of Cincinnati has written up a handy guide. For starters, there are just some activities that shouldn't be considered. Kissing, tickling, and wrestling children is simply forbidden. The Decree on Child Protection also puts the kibosh on bear hugs, lap-sitting, and piggyback rides. No word yet on how this affected the Piggyback Sacrament, wherein the faithful ride on the backs of their priests just as Jesus rode on the back of a donkey. But the Decree isn't just a bunch of finger wagging. No, there are still some completely appropriate interactions between clergy and their younger congregation. Hand shakes, pats on the back, and high fives are still a-okay. Thank goodness. What kind of man would I have become if I couldn't high five my priest? More details here.