Monday, April 13, 2009

Area 51 Exposed

Nothing spawns a mystery like a truckload of ludicrous secrecy, and that's exactly what the U.S. government has dumped on Area 51 for the last fifty years. Absurd military bureaucracy has forced the government to deny the place even exists, despite the fact that tourists, hippies, UFO hunters, and Google Earth have all seen it. Maybe if they'd come out and said "yes, Area 51 exists, and this is where we test our top-secret spy planes" we'd have gone without all the backward-engineered alien spacecraft/interdimensional extraterrestrial organ trafficking stories over the years. But while the government still hasn't come clean, a few retired military and CIA men have spilled the beans on just what's been going on at Groom Lake. Don't get too excited, though. Instead of launching flying saucers and anally probing sleepy civilians, the staff and crew of Area 51 were responsible for developing and testing many of the country's secret weapons against those commie bastards during the cold war. Specifically, they launched over 2,000 test flights of the A-12 OXCART, a super-sexy spy plane that rocketed along at three times the speed of sound. There are a few interesting details sprinkled throughout these men's interviews. At least one A-12 crashed in the desert, forcing the military to release a cover story and scare a few farmers into keeping their mouths shut. Also, the special mix of jet fuel the plane required was also top secret and stored in even more secret locations around the world. Plans within plans... Boring stuff for anyone who isn't sexually aroused by powerful airborne machinery, to be sure, but it's nice to have these stories out there. None of this will stop the nutjobs, since it probably can't be proven that these men aren't androids spreading disinformation on the part of the Illuminati, but what'reyagonnado? More details here.

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