Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Supersnake, Supersnake, It's Supersnakay

Florida has an exploding python population for a couple of reasons. One: Miami is the import point for much of the exotic animals trade. And two: the python's primary food source is elderly people who mistake them for warm shawls. Actually, that second one may not be true. In fact, the Burmese python is the dominant non-native python species in Florida, and it's relatively harmless. Well, unless it's on a plane. But scientists are worried that more and more African rock pythons are being introduced into the wild. That's a bad thing, because rock pythons are nasty creatures with a hard on for your bodily juices. Worse, it's possible that Burmese and rock pythons could interbreed, producing even more aggressive offspring due to the genetic phenomenon called hybrid vigor. Hybrid vigor refers to the unleashing of violent recessive genes in the offspring of two different species. It's because of hybrid vigor that Dick Cheney, the product of an unholy union between a kind Nebraskan woman named Marjorie and Satan's flaming cock, is such an asshole. Of course, scientists aren't sure whether the Burmese/African hybrids would be capable of breeding themselves or end up like some kind of deadly, slithering mule. But that hasn't stopped the state of Florida from dispatching a team of bounty hunters to kill any African rock pythons they can find in the wild. That's right, bounty hunters. More details here. And kudos to the author of that article for working in the phrase "giant man-eating swamp coil".

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