Our resident expert in Totally Overlapping Magisteria, Christian Walters, brings you this important announcement:
TOMA Headquarters interrupts your regularly scheduling living of your lives to warn you that the world is about to end! Nuclear war is going to break out on June 12, 2008. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Look on the bright side: all of you who play that celebrity dead pool game will tie for first. ABC News (motto: Of course we'll put you on television) brings us an interview with Yisrayl "Buffalo Bill" Hawkins, leader of the second House of Yahweh in Abilene, Texas. I don't know if a nickname like that adds to his credibility, but he's had a lot of experience in predicting the End. This is the third time since 2006, in fact. (Buffalo Bill embarrassed a whole bunch of Kenyans last time, who went into hiding, only to sheepishly come out when the bombs didn't drop.) He's vague on the details. But if earnestly believing counts for anything (which it does, according to Pentecostals), Bill really means it this time. Plus, he's in Abilene. A great aunt of mine used to live in Abilene, and they're very nice people. Apropos of nothing, Bill also got charged last month with bigamy. Dude has 30 wives. It's good to be the gibbering idiot cult leader. So we're doomed. Take preventative action. Hide in the fridge. Paint yourself white to deflect the blast. Repent. Rub a dead chicken. See you on the other side! Or Friday, whichever comes first.
