DiePhone

New Mexico's Arthur Firstenberg is a very sensitive man. He believes many people, including himself, are susceptible to all sorts of medical problems due to radio waves floating through the air. He claims to be allergic to wi-fi, digital TV signals, and now, iPhones. In particular, his neighbor's iPhone, which he says has forced him from his home with its deadly emissions. Not content to just lock himself in a Faraday cage and live out the rest of his life in a slowly rising pool of his own filth, he's suing his neighbor to the tune of $530,000. Firstenberg's self-proclaimed radio hypersensitivity symptoms include nausea, vertigo, mud butt, tinnitus, headaches, cramps, joint pain, insomnia, partial blindness, muscle spasms. But most importantly, he's got the blues. Probably because there's nowhere he can hide from the radio signals flying through his head at any given moment. There's nowhere any of us can hide. Which makes it all the more suspicious that the last century or so hasn't been lousy with physically handicapped hypersensitives like Firstenberg. Unless... Could he be the new phase of human evolution? If so, he has to be the shittiest X-Man ever. Well, except for Cannonball. Or possibly Dazzler. Actually, Longshot was pretty lame. Anyway, the point is, Arthur Firstenberg would make a terrible superhero. More details here. (And thanks to Brad for the link.)