Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Two-Headed Omen

A two-headed calf has been born in the eastern Estonian city of Tartu. But let's repress our immediate urge to stab it to death, burn its corpse, and scatter its ashes at the four corners of the earth. For the moment, at least. Instead, let's ask ourselves what this means. Could it be a simple random genetic mutation? Sure. But it could also be a sign that Chernobyl truly is the gift that keeps on giving. Is Estonia anywhere near Chernobyl? Who can say for sure? But I'm not about to look it up on some kind of fancy map, as that would take all the fun out of mindless speculation. And speaking of mindlessness, the birth of two-headed animals has traditionally been seen as an omen of war in Estonian culture. But then again, most things that happen at all in eastern European countries are most likely omens of war. But the owner of the farm where this monstrosity was born poo-poos that notion. He believes it's a sign of the impending end of the global economic crisis. As long as we're bullshitting here, I'll toss my two cents on the pile and say it's a sign that there will be another "Alvin and the Chipmunks" squeakquel. Sadly, the truth is that this is an omen of another long period of history where no one pays any attention to Estonia. More details here.