Thursday, January 14, 2010

Half Animal, Half Plant, All Abomination

Scientists have confirmed that the sea slug Elysia chlorotica is the first animal known to use plant-like photosynthesis to create food from light. The unholy hybrids have incorporated genetic material from the algae they eat, which allows them to produce their own chlorophyll. This trait is passed on to their offspring, though they still have to eat enough algae to provide chloroplasts for the photosynthesis process. The implications of this discovery are quite troubling. For decades now, mad scientists have been kidnapping orphans and trying to crossbreed them with plants. Why? Sex, mostly. But there are also military applications. If plantmen should fall on the battlefield, it would be cheap and convenient just to grow some more from ready-to-plant seed pods. Fortunately, the long arm of the law has prevented these gene-drunk perverts from realizing their ultimate goal. But how are we to combat this kind of God-playing when nature herself is doing it right under our noses? It's time world leaders called out Mother Earth for her unnatural hobbies. If not, these slugs will just be the tip of the iceberg. More details here. (And thanks to Brad for the link!)