Abomination

You thought it was just typical conservative douchebaggery when so many elderly, closeted homosexual Republicans warned that legalizing gay marriage in the U.S. would bring an onslaught of man-on-animal unions. But who's laughing now? Last week, a German man married his dying cat Cecilia. And is gay marriage legal in Germany? You bet it is. Granted, Germans still haven't technically legalized human/beast marriage, but at the very least, this story is proof of concept for slippery slopers on the religious right. Because no minister worth his weight in incense would officiate at such an unholy ceremony, the man paid an actress $395 to pretend to marry him to his cat, which he claims to have been sleeping with for ten years. There's no telling whether he means "sleeping" in the colloquial sense, but I don't think anyone can share a bed with someone or something for a decade without experiencing a couple of nights of antsy fingers. Fortunately, the world was spared a prolonged mockery of real marriage when the cat subsequently died of feline asthma. So, happy ending. More details here.