Vamps Bite Back

An anonymous New Zealand man says he was attacked by vampires after waking up in a park after a night of drinking to find bite marks on his neck. You may think this is no big deal in New Zealand, a backward fantasy land crawling with mythical beasts such as orcs, goblins, and Radagast the Brown. But it's a widely accepted fact that vampires don't actually exist outside the sexual fantasies of confused pre-teen girls (also where horses exist). Regardless, it looks like this man was telling the truth. Two people have been arrested and charged with "wounding with intent to render a man unconscious". And at least one of them (pictured) has fessed up to the crime, explaining, "Yeah, I bit a guy ... He hit on my missus. My girlfriend and my mate were biting him. If I'd hit him, I'd have really hurt him, so I thought I'll bite him seeing as they're already biting him." Fair enough. More details here.