Thursday, May 27, 2010


Years after their initial discovery, scientists have declared a strange walking fish to be a new species. The pink handfish uses its fins to walk along the ocean floor rather than swimming like a respectable member of its race. Little is known about these creatures other than the fact that they're terrifying freaks. If we allow fish to evolve hands, it will destroy the commercial seafood industry. How are anglers going to catch their prey when the fish can simply grab the hooks with their veiny little paws and pull the bait right off? Luckily, we don't have to worry about exterminating these beasts before they can breed. The Japanese are known for their lust of all animals' most distinctive appendages. It won't be long before the pink handfish is rendered extinct from some Tokyo restaurant's ambitious all-fish hand soup menu. More details here.