Fiery Pope

It's easy to dismiss those who claim this picture taken at a Polish ceremony commemorating Pope John Paul II shows the deceased pontiff appearing as a waving pillar of fire. But the more I hear about the behavior of the dead, the more I'm convinced that these kinds of things just might be true. After watching countless episodes of John Edward: Cross Country and seeing all these vague and creepy images of fire, wood grain, grilled cheese sandwiches, and tufts of smoke, it's becoming harder and harder to deny that the afterlife is a terrifying wasteland where the only way to communicate with the living is through frustratingly inaccurate games of charades. Sure, John Paul's ghost would love to come out and write a letter providing some hopeful promise for tomorrow, but the laws of the netherworld prohibit him from sending any more specific message than "Here I am, and I'm on fire." Plus, it's a good thing they took that picture when the flame was just so, otherwise it'd be back to square one for the old pope.