Fat, Stupid Kids

We all know American kids aren't as bright as some others. In the subjects of math and science, our elementary and middle school students fall in the middle of the scores for other developed countries. And though our math scores have seen a slight improvement in recent years, science knowledge has fallen even further behind. And speaking of behinds, you probably also know from the waist-down b-roll of thunderous bottoms paraded regularly across the nightly news that our kids are a little tubby. Since 1980, the percentage of pleasantly plump children has tripled. And according to Harvard psychiatrist John Ratey, there's a link between the two. Programs like No Child Left Behind that are intended to prioritize academics over ancillary subjects like art and P.E. don't seem to be working. In part because of NCLB, only 6% of American high schools have a daily gym class, despite the fact that all that extra time in the classroom isn't improving test scores. (By the way, I would have killed to get out of daily gym class. There's only so many times I can kick a red rubber ball and run around bases before I start to question the whole purpose of this thing called life.) In fact, well-exercised kids have elevated levels of dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine--effectively giving them a double dose of Ritalin and Prozac to help calm them down and maintain focus. Still, it's probably best to not wait on the government to force P.E. back into the schools. Instead, I have a proposal for all high school students: before you take a test, put down your pencil, fold up your cheat sheet, and play a game of dodge ball. Sure, it's a little distracting, but if you end up in the hospital, you have until the end of the year to finish your makeup. It's the law. I'm pretty sure. More details here.