Obama Elected President For Real This Time

Well folks, it's official: As of Monday, December 15th at 3pm, Barack Tiberius Obama has been elected the 44th president of the United States. That was when the 538 electors in our state capitals cast their votes for president, thus deciding the race. What's that? You thought the people decided it back in November? Well, that's only half the story. See, back in 1804 the nation was very young, having just won our independence from the tyrant King George of England. We were a willful, proud new nation. Unfortunately, we were also full of ignorant, illiterate drunks who might accidentally elect King George as president, given the opportunity. So the founding fathers set up what we know as the Electoral College. Basically the people get to vote for whomever they want, and assuming they didn't make a terrible mistake, the electors repeat the vote a month later, then Congress still has to confirm that vote again in early January. Now isn't that much simpler than having a real democracy? But I know what you're thinking: what if the electors are part of the Illuminati and put one of their own in power? The Amero! Building 7! Be still, my conspiracy nuts, be still. Generally this doesn't happen. In fact, in many states it's illegal for an elector to cast any other vote than the one the public decided. However, on 85 occasions in the past, electors have changed their votes just for shits and giggles. Read more about why your vote only kind of matters here.