Conservatives Heart Porn

A new study of anonymous credit card receipts from a major online porn retailer show that while all of America loves watching naked people have sex, the highest concentrations of smut consumption are in the most traditionally conservative states. Now, it’s easy to jump on board the smug “look at the hypocrites” bandwagon, but might I wouldn’t be so quick to judge. We don’t know exactly what kinds of porn these people are consuming. As a faithless, gay-loving cosmopolitan type (i.e. a hipster douchebag), I enjoy my pornography on the edge. There are too many acronyms in my desktop porn folder to go name (A2M, DP, FFM, MMF, MILF, NASA, BBW, to mention just a few). Sure, I’d call shenanigans on any uptight conservative who spanked it to 2 Girls 1 Cup, and then I’d probably friend him on MySpace. But I don’t think there’s anything contradictory about a Bible-thumping, queer-bashing redneck swiping the credit card for plenty of old fashioned, meat and potatoes missionary action. For all we know, these red state porn mongers could just be consuming the tamest of all pornography, and I say more power to them. After all, when everyone in the country is shilling out money for filmed sex (which boggles my mind, since so much great stuff is available for free), the standard has to be reset. We shouldn’t judge whether someone is conservative by how much porn he or she watches, but how filthy that porn is. And now that I’ve written a post with enough keywords to keep me on top of Google for a few more weeks, I have some NSFW BDSM to get back to. More details here.