Putin's Romance Wrath

At the risk of turning this site into a celebrity gossip blog, I'm going to tell you that Russian dictator-in-training Vladimir Putin is planning on divorcing his wife of 24 years and marrying 24-year-old former gymnast Alina Kabaeva. Sadly, this site will still be running after I publish this information, but the Russian newspaper that did the same thing has now been shut down. Putin called the story the product of the "snotty noses and erotic fantasies" of the journalists involved and hid his intervention into the affairs of privately owned media by telling the Russian public that the paper folded for financial reasons. He then retired to his underground laboratory to manufacture uranium-soaked bullets which he plans to deposit in the reporters' brains. Oh, and Mr. Putin also molests iguanas on a bed of Chechen corpses. I don't know for sure if this is true, but sometimes I just like to revel in the fact that Putin's totalitarian revenge fantasies have no bearing on my life. If I'm lying, Mr. Putin, feel free to sue me. Or, if you prefer, bury my torso in the Siberian tundra, you sex-starved maniac. More details here.