If there's one marketing tool favored the most by quacks and frauds, it's the testimonial. Think about it, you have all the benefits of making concrete claims without the accountability, credibility, or fact-based nature of actual data. Who cares if magnetic mattress pads don't actually cure your crooked spine? Laura from Topeka, Kansas says they make her feel a whole lot better. And who are you to argue with a semi-anonymous Midwesterner with no medical training?
As a professional psychic medium, Chip Coffey can't make any actual claims for his services. Just like Taco Bell can't tell you you're getting real beef while selling you that amorphous paste they've injected in your burrito, Coffey can't claim the $400 an hour you give him will definitely buy a few seconds of strained charades with the ghost of your dear old granddad. This is why his website begrudgingly acknowledges that his "readings" are for "entertainment purposes only" and that "psychic readings cannot predict, forecast , diagnose or provide information with absolute certainty." I tried the same legal gymnastics with my short-lived pest control company Bugz-Off, but word quickly spread that I just had no idea how to kill and/or not run screaming from a swarm of termites.
If only I'd had a testimonial like this one from ChipCoffey.com:
This is a sweet story. Good thing Rose ignored that bit about "entertainment purposes only" and chose to follow Chip Coffey's real estate advice. Who knew he was such a renaissance psychic? But upon closer examination, I noticed a slight problem with this testimonial. Turns out there isn't a 73 Ocean View Terrace in Orinda, California. There isn't an Ocean View Terrace at all in Orinda, California."My family was hoping to move and we were looking for the perfect home. Chip told me that we would find it within a month and also advised me to look for the number '73.'
We found a house that we liked, but it wasn't 'perfect.' On the morning that we were planning to sign the contract to buy this house, I decided to look, just once more, on the Internet at the listings of homes that were for sale.
I found my dream home! It was everything that we were looking for and more! I called out to my husband and he was just as excited as I was. We decided to go and look at the house ... and when we finally looked at the exact address, I was stunned to discover that the street number of the house was '73'!
Chip was right! We are now living in our dream home ... at 73 Ocean View Terrace!"
Rose M.
Orinda, California
As a professional courtesy, Chip, I'm advising you to change this address to something a little more, I don't know, realish. Or just leave it. If it takes too much of your time away from exploiting disturbed children on national television, then it's probably not worth the trouble.
