Sweet Jesus

Much has been made lately of a stone tablet found on the banks of the Dead Sea. A 1st century B.C. text known as Gabriel's Vision of Revelation is printed in ink on the tablet, line 80 of which appears to recount Gabriel telling a Jewish rabblerouser called Simon that he would be resurrected three days after death. Some have come to the ludicrous conclusion that this tablet is some kind of prophecy about the coming of Christ. However, anyone with a passing knowledge of the history of the New Testament understands that the mystical details of Christ's life were retroactively added to the text in order to make it fit the older Hebrew prophecies about the messiah. Case in point: the supposed relation of Jesus' earthly father Joseph to the ancient Hebrew Kind David, of whom the messiah was supposed to be descended. The New Testament writers created a fake lineage from David to Joseph to fit the older scriptures, even though it makes no sense considering that none of Joseph's spunk contributed to the formation of the baby Jesus. So, ultimately, the discovery of this tablet is a non-story even aside from the fact that there are numerous non-Hebrew myths that parallel the story of Christ. But you can read a few choice quotes about the tablet from pretend Bible scholars here.