Littledick McCriminalstein

Researchers at Shippensburg University have published a study showing that kids with unpopular names tend to commit crimes at higher rates than others. They examined state crime records and cross-referenced those juvenile criminals' names with the popularity-name index (PNI) of their names. The PNI score was based on the contemporary popularity of that name. Turns out kids with rare names like Ivan, Ernest, Blitzkrieg, and Twinkieshorts were more prone to juvenile delinquency. The authors of the study suggest that kids with terrible names are often exposed to other factors that increase their chances of turning into little shits, including disadvantaged home environments and lower socioeconomic status. Also, of course, there's the possibility that all that teasing Fatass von Browneye suffered at the hands of his cruel peers might have pushed him over the edge. And obviously stupid names don't guarantee a life of crime. While Carrot Top's act might well be considered criminal, it's not technically illegal. Yet. More details here.