Friday, February 6, 2009

Vampyre Busted

Since there's no reason to believe actual vampires have ever existed, many socially maladjusted and attention whoring individuals take it upon themselves to don cheap velvet capes, slick back their hair, and pretend to be their favorite sexually ambiguous, blood-sucking superantiheroes. Jonathan Sharkey (pictured) (no, seriously, that's him) is one such individual. Calling himself a "Vampyre" (so you know just how pretentious he really is), Sharkey ran for governor of Minnesota in 2006 as the candidate of the Vampyres, Witches, and Pagans party. Perhaps ironically, a 16-year-old girl became a supporter of his on MySpace, the social networking site of choice for immortal creatures of the night. Unfortunately, Sharkey's vampire powers don't include an irresistibly hypnotic allure. He allegedly harassed the hell out of this girl with messages and emails, forcing her to take the drastic step of telling him she was actually a member of a secret order of vampire hunters and they must end their online relationship for Sharkey's own safety. This is called feeding a delusion, and it's not a good idea. Sharkey declared that this girl was his "princess", and after another barrage of unwanted creepiness, he was charged with felony harassment and two misdemeanor coercion counts--possibly for threatening to drink the girl's blood. Sharkey is now at the mercy of his public defender, since apparently not all vampires are filthy rich. More details here.

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