Cats Haz Stoopid

If the Internet has an official animal (besides Nick Nolte's mugshot), it's the cat. Only crazy women who wear their dead mothers' clothing love their feline companions more than nerds. We love to watch them slap at ceiling fans, play pianos, and steal cheeseburgers. And unlike dogs, the animals of choice for n00bs, you never have to stop playing WoW to take your cat for a walk. Too bad cats are such morons. British scientists have tested cats' ability to understand cause-and-effect, and they've come up a little short compared to their domesticated mortal enemies. Researchers tied delicious treats to strings and placed them under a clear plastic barrier in such a way that the cats had to pull the strings to get to the treats. There were three setups: 1) a single string with a single treat, 2) two parallel strings with only one attached to a treat, and 3) two crossed strings with a single treat. The cats did fine with the first test, but none of them could consistently pull the correct string for setup number two. When it came to the crossed strings, every cat succeeded no more than would be expected from chance--except one cat, who never pulled the right string. Yes, that's one dumb kitty. If it makes you feel better, you can tell yourself that cats are just too smart to put up with scientific shenanigans. But don't tell youself too loudly, since you should really be focusing on repairing your single-gear cruising bicycle, NERD! More details here.