Monday, June 22, 2009

The Dangers of Virginity

A Russian woman is now suffering in intensive care after complications from her sixth operation to reconstruct her hymen. For those following along at home, that's six more than the number of operations any woman should ever have to reconstruct her hymen. Why would anyone do such a thing? Well, it turns out her husband was upset to discover she wasn't a virgin before they were married. Instead of showing him just what she'd learned with a little practice in the sack and then telling the prick to fuck off for life, she decided to undergo plastic surgery to create a new hymen. Keep in mind that this doesn't make her a virgin again. It only makes her more likely to bleed the next time she has sex. But apparently that was enough for her husband, who loved the fake cherry popping so much that he demanded she reconstruct her hymen once a year for the next five years. Doctors warned her not to do it a sixth time (yes, it took them that long), but she went ahead anyway because she's a sad, sad person deserving of your pity. Here's hoping she gets well soon. And here's hoping her husband dies a prolonged and painful death drowning in a vat of his own blood. More details here.