Sunday, October 18, 2009

Your Sunday Sermon - The Sun Goes Round the Earth

Hey guys, this is Richard Peacock. Many of you don't know this, but my cousin Thaddeus is the reverend for a small church in my hometown. When he heard that I help out with this "Godless" web site, he insisted he be allowed to do a weekly sermon, to set everyone "back on the right path." So please keep in mind his views and opinions don't represent the rest of us here at AmateurScientist.

My friends, welcome once again to my gentle presence. Yes, that's it, come closer... closer still... closer... Devils be gone!! Ha! Got you. Yes, my flock of sheep, it is I, your humble shepherd, the reverend Thaddeus Peacock. And it is time once again for me to scare the bejesus into you!

This past Thursday, when I would normally be setting up hidden cameras in the local gym to look for signs of homoerotic pugilism, I was taken ill by a ghastly case of the squirts. Curse that yellowed egg salad from Mrs. Jefferson! As I sat atop my Lay-z-boy, I flipped through the local television channels, and happened upon a lie more ghastly than Mrs. Jefferson's insistence that egg salad is "supposed to be that color." I happened upon a daytime drama program titled: "As the World Turns"! It showed an image of the Earth, in spherical form, spinning out in space! Devils be gone!!

For as we all know, my fluffy followers, the Bible tells us that the world is not in motion at all, but is a stationary realm in which the Sun orbits it! Look here: "Tremble before him, all the earth! The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved." (1 Chron 16:30) and here: "The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises." (Ecc 1:5) It was on the validity of these most factual versus that, hundreds of years ago, the Catholic Church correctly concluded that the homosexual/witch (assumed) Galileo was so very wrong! Hallelujah!

Oh, my friends, I was so distressed by the hideous lies on my television screen, that I had to calm myself by watching the previous week's hidden locker camera footage again and again until my humors had returned to balance. Let this be a lesson to you, dear readers. Never believe the hideous lies spread by either that heretic Galileo, or that charlatan Mrs. Jefferson.

The Reverend Thaddeus Peacock is a licensed Churchologist with advanced degrees in Biblology, Jesusence, and Brimstoning. He may be reached by emailing his cousin Richard at richard@amateurscientist.org.

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