Friday, September 26, 2008

Cannibal Holocaust

While the amount of arctic sea ice left at the end of this summer is slightly more than last year, the overall trend shows we’re losing more of our ice caps over time—10% per decade, to be exact. While this might open up shipping lanes and provide cooler real estate for you to build your floating anarchist commune, it’s bad for the planet. Arctic sea ice reflects a huge amount of solar radiation that would otherwise be absorbed into the oceans, warming the planet. This warming (which some might say is global) results in drastic climate changes and potential disaster. Of course, none of these abstract notions are nearly as compelling as the heartbreaking footage of polar bears dying of exhaustion from swimming between separated bits of ice they would have been able to hop between in years past. Nothing says “pay attention” like cute, cuddly animals dying before our eyes. Of course, anyone who knows polar bears (Biblically?) knows that they may be cute, but they’re far from cuddly. They’re vicious beasts, in fact. And when drastic climate change dwindles their normal food supplies, they can turn into post-apocalyptic cannibals. More and more reports are coming in of polar bears turning on each other for meat. There’s even an account of a male polar bear sneaking into a female’s den so he could eat her alive. Who knows whether these instances are statistically significant or not, but the implications are pretty disturbing. Because when the food runs out, there’s nothing but miles and miles of frozen tundra separating these desperate, cannibalistic polar bears from a feast of delicious Canadian man-flesh. And yes, that’s the first time anyone’s ever written the phrase “delicious Canadian man-flesh”. More details here.

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