Antstinence

It's long been known by people who know such things that there's very little sex going on in an ant colony. The queen collects a reserve of sperm once in her life and eventually uses it to produce thousands of eggs. (The freakish Duggar family on TLC works much the same way.) If any male ants start feeling a little randy and take a female companion behind a dirt mound for a little hot antennae injection, other ants will even attack the both of them. And the colony's queen will mark for death any chicks she deems as floozies. (Usually the ones wearing sexy skirts and dominatrix boots. Or so I've heard.) Now, scientists have finally discovered what tips off the ant sex NARCs that their brothers and/or sisters are about to get it on. Ants that are capable of reproduction produce a chemical called cuticular hydrocarbon, which gives off a distinctive scent. It's this scent that sends prudish ant warriors into a Puritanical rage. So the next time you see a slackjawed kid passing the time by incinerating ants with a magnifying glass and sunlight, why not suggest he torture them by sprinkling a little cuticular hydrocarbon on their mound? It's fun to watch, and he'll learn a valuable lesson about life. More details here.