Non-Spontaneous Human Combustion

Police in Knoxville, Tennessee heard someone moaning in an apartment, so of course they busted down the door. And instead of discovering an erotically compromising situation, they found a gentleman with burns on his face and hands. Mysteriously, THERE WAS NO SIGN OF FIRE! Okay, that's not true. There was a candle burning in the bathroom. (Erotic?) But the sketchy details of this barely newsworthy story are being played up as some sort of deep mystery. True, it would be weird if this man suddenly burned himself when he was nowhere near a flame, but the fact is that from what we know so far, there's no reason to think the place he was found burned and moaning was the same place the burns occurred. And if this man's reaction to spontaneously losing layers of precious skin is to sit on the living room floor and moan, I question his ability not to hurt himself with an open flame. More details here. And read my harrowing Ask an Amateur Scientist essay on spontaneous human combustion here.