Shaking Money Maker Won't Make it Smaller

Every time I look at myself naked in the mirror (which seems to be more and more often since I moved into Versailles), I think about how I should maybe start jogging. But then I look out the window and see all those flabby thighs in nylon shorts and all those dangling iPod headphone cords and ridiculous flapping arms, and I just pop open another can of Pringles. But according to a new study from Loyola University, it's the Pringles much more than the not jogging that has contributed to my succulent new set of breasts. Researchers compared the weights of women in urban Chicago to those of women in rural Nigeria. Not surprisingly, the Nigerian women were thinner. Not not surprisingly, however, the Nigerian women also didn't do much more physical activity than their counterparts overseas. Turns out that diet has much more of a role in the junkiness of your trunkiness than climbing on a sweaty old Stairmaster. The Nigerian diet is high in fiber and carbohydrates but low in fat and animal protein, while the American diet is nothing much more than spoonfuls of lard and processed cheese. Of course, exercise has all sorts of health benefits other than weight control, but I'm not concerned with those. I'll trade a little high blood pressure and mild depression for never having to buy an iPod Shuffle. More details here.