Roland Burris: Devine

Just to bring you up to speed, Barack Obama is leaving the U.S. senate to spend more time with his family in a big white house somewhere, so Illinois governor Rod Blegojevich was tasked with appointing a replacement.  Because Blegojevich is a moron and a douchebag, he decided to sell off the senate seat to the highest bidder and to do so while he knew the FBI was tapping his phone.  Now, Blegojevich has appointed a man named Roland Burris, though congress is refusing to seat him due to the fact that Blegojevich is barely governor and no one knows how much of Burris' money he's currently using on his hair care products.  Not one to lie back and just take this abuse, Burris has dragged God into the situation, claiming that his appointment is "what the Lord has ordained".  You might be wondering how Burris has any direct line communication with the supreme deity, but what you don't understand is that by "Lord", he actually means "Gov. Rod Blegojevich".  As part of the terms of his bribe, you see, he must refer to the governor either as Lord, His Highness, or Padishah Emperor until the end of his days.  More details here.