The Smell of Mars

NASA scientists have detected concentrated regions of atmospheric methane above certain areas of the Martian surface. Methane is a byproduct of either of two processes: geological activity or biological activity. Since methane in the atmosphere is quickly dissipated by sunlight, the fact that there are concentrated regions suggests that something is replenishing the supply. In other words, HOLY SHIT, THERE’S LIFE ON MARS! Or at least, that’s what you might think from reading many of the insanely melodramatic headlines about this new methane report. The fact is that no one knows yet whether this methane is being caused by Martian geology or alien microbes. The most abundant sources of geological methane are active volcanoes, and these regions don’t appear to have any of those. But there’s another process called serpentinisation, in which rocks containing olivine and pyroxene minerals react with water to produce methane. Since temperatures below the Martian permafrost are high enough to melt surface ice, this could be fuel for serpentinisation or for farting microbes. In short, we need more data. Of course, that’s not stopping me from launching an all-out nuclear assault on Mars. They may just be tiny microbes, but I’m just getting over the Earth flu. If it helps, you can just consider my attack a vaccination. More details here.