Existence of Monkey Army Questioned

Hardcore Hindus across India have successfully pressured the Indian government to withdraw a report it filed in court questioning the existence of a Hindu god, according to the BBC. The government would like to build a shipping canal between India and Sri Lanka, which would require the destruction of a land bridge of sand and stones. Hindu believers say the bridge was built by the god Ram and his army of monkeys, and should therefore not be destroyed. The Indian government, using its brains, filed a report with the court saying the Archaeological Survey of India had found the bridge to be a natural formation, and that the events and characters depicted in the Ramayana (from which the monkey story is derived) have no basis in history. Fearing an uprising, the government has since withdrawn the report. Of course, the only solution here is for government workers to dismantle the land bridge while wearing monkey costumes. The townspeople might see the zippers, but, then again, they're pretty dumb.