Capital Marriage

Bad news, heterosexual couples. Your marriages have now been cheapened in Washington, D.C., as the district is now free to marry gays, thereby flooding the matrimony market and decreasing the market value of straight unions. Too bad. If you want to bitch about it, take your complaints to Chief Justice John Roberts of the Supreme Court, who refused to block the legalization of gay marriage in D.C. despite his conservative reputation. Of course, being a semi-autonomous city-state with no rule of law other than an ass, gas, or grass statute, D.C. is subject to all sorts of legal whims. It's possible that its legalization of gay marriage could be overturned either by congressional vote or by a public vote. But whatever. Starting today, gay people in our nation's capital have equal rights. Let's see how many Republican congressmen (pictured) grab their stall partners by the tapping feet and finally turn them into honest men. More details here.