Internet to 11

If you've ever used the internet in South Korea, you know that speeds are infinitely faster than in the U.S. However, the benefit is negligible, since most of their bandwidth is consumed by professional StarCraft leagues. But Americans aren't so serious about their space strategy games, despite the fact that they hate being worse than the South Koreans at anything. And when it comes to internet speeds, the Obama administration doesn't want the U.S. to lag behind any longer. So, the FCC is rolling out a plan to modernize the country's broadband infrastructure by building a faster, fiber optic network instead of relying almost exclusively on copper wire. Critics say there's no viable way of funding such a plan. Also, Obama is a socialist Kenyan. But while it's true the plan doesn't deal in hard numbers, the general outline calls for the freeing up of certain airwaves currently used by TV signals so that they may be auctioned off to wireless internet companies. The money collected from these auctions would be used exclusively for upgrading the broadband grid. But however this turns out, we can rest assured that the South Koreans will still kick everyone's ass in StarCraft. More details here.