Wednesday, March 31, 2010


When necromancy is outlawed, only outlaws will be necromancers. Case in point: Pennsylvania police arrested a man attempting to use dark magicks to resurrect a dead opossum on a state highway. Because the arcane arts are constitutionally protected, they had to book the man on the trumped up charge of public drunkenness. According to one witness, the man knelt over the roadkill and waved his hands as if performing a seance. Another said he tried mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Both are wrong. Seances are meant to communicate with the spirits of the dead, not bring them back to life. This man was conducting a reanimation rite, not a seance. Furthermore, what appeared to be mouth-to-mouth resuscitation was obviously just the traditional clearing of the gunk from the reanimatee's throat. All sorts of crap builds up in there during decomposition, and you don't want your newly enlivened client to just choke right back to death. No word on whether this brave necromancer was able to complete the ritual before being hauled away by authorities. Nor is there any word on whether the ACLU intends to intervene in this blatant case of religious persecution. More details here.

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